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Be sure to check out Jay and Kay's website (podcasts!, forums and all) here, and to Like their Facebook page here! You can find our podcast here.

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If you want to read a series of blog entries in the order they were posted, or are looking for one specifically, check out the Table of Contents right here! Also be sure to check that page between matches to get a teaser of the next blog on my slate.

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30 December 2011

Warrior Conflict: Boba Fett versus Yautja, the Narrative.

Author's Note:  Besides the end result, this narrative is independent of the assessment I've done of both warriors.  I've done this to get a better story.  So I don't want to hear anything about how I've "nerfed" one side or the other - just take it for what it is:  entertainment!  The first part is here, the second part - and the "By the Numbers" segment will be up this Sunday.  I hope you enjoy the story!


Image used without permission from http://aliensandpredators.tumblr.com/.
“I told you that I had a bad feeling about this!” Tobias Orain shouted, “All systems have failed.”

Boba Fett leaned over his shoulder, eyes darting at the various blank screens.  “How do you mean, ‘failed’?”

“They’re dead.  Deader than dead.  It’s like our fuel cells just disappeared – there’s no juice going to anything.”  He glanced at Boba.  “Including life support.”

25 December 2011

Warrior Bio: Yautja, the Predator.

Author's Note:  First, I'd like to wish everyone reading this a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!  As a sort of Christmas present of my own, here is the bio for the Yautja - or Predators.  It should be noted that there are many blank spots in their history, so I'm going to have to go off of some conjecture and educated guesswork in order to get a complete assessment of them.  Fortunately, I don't think that anything I've said here breaks (or even bends) the canon sources, so it's all good!

Yautja, circa 2011 CE.

An urban hunter overlooks his fresh game preserve.
Image used without permission from
http://fc08.deviantart.net/.

18 December 2011

Warrior Bio: Boba Fett, Mandalore.

Author's Note:  If you weren't aware of this (in which case you should visit the new Table of Contests found HERE!) this next article series will be very different from all previous ones on my blog... because it will be featuring fictional characters from the worlds of science fiction!  That's right:  this match will be Boba Fett, the most famed bounty hunter in the "Star Wars" galaxy, going toe to toe with the Yautja, "the demon who makes trophies of men" and signature figure of the "Predator" franchise.  I'm very excited to explore such new territory with this next step in the project, and hopefully so are you!  Before we get started, I want to outline how this match will be posted... today (18 December) is the debut of the first segment, Boba Fett's Offensive Assessment.  On 20 December his Defensive Assessment will go live.  22 December is his Variables Assessment (which is tweaked - more on that later).  24 December will be the Yautja's Offensive Assessment, 26 the Defensive, 28 the Variables, and the Narrative and "By the Numbers" on the final two days of the month, respectively.  As a final note, the grading for this match will be a little different than what you may be used to seeing from me:  five points have been taken from both Long-Distance Weapons (in the Offensive category) and Head Protection (in the Defensive category) sub-categories, and moved to the Variables category to create the "Prior Opponents" and "Health" sub-categories, each worth five points.  What this means is that the grading scale is now 35 (Offensive) + 35 (Defensive) + 30 (Variables), still equaling 100 possible points.


That out of the way, let's get started!

Boba Fett, Mandalore, circa 40 Years After the Battle of Yavin.

Image used without permission from https://www.facebook.com/.

16 December 2011

Table of Contents.

Hello everyone, things have gotten a little hectic here on the blog with all of the different matches (not to mention the large gaps in update time... sorry about that!) so I'm going to attempt to correct that by having a table of contents here to serve as a directory to all of the different Warrior Bios, Conflicts, and any other posts I make.

So let's get started!

Blog Entires

-Warrior Bio:  Roman Legionnaires, circa 36 CE.  The reorganized soldiers of the Roman Empire were known as "Marius' Mules", and this is an apt description of them considering that the Empire was built on their backs and in their blood.  Though they were only one part of the indomitable Roman Legions, they were the means for its success, and when led by competent leaders could become an incredible fighting machine made of men, leather, and steel.

-Warrior Bio:  Zulu Impis, circa 1824 CE.  For thousands of years, South Africa was a peaceful region of farmers and hunters who settled their differences through low-risk, heavily ritualized combat.  That all changed in the Nineteenth Century when Shaka, the new, young King of the Zulu Nation, came to power and revolutionized the way that wars were fought.  His influence spread far and wide throughout the southern half of the continent, igniting a wildfire of violence that has continued even to this day.

~Warrior Conflict:  Roman Legionnaires versus Zulu Impis.  Two empire-builders cross blades in an epic struggle for dominance.  Roman sword-work, Zulu martial arts, thrown javelins, and supreme battlefield mobility result in a battle for the ages as these time-distanced opponents duel to the death.

Warrior Conflict: George Washington versus Napoleon Bonaparte, By the Numbers.

Author's Note:  Here it is!  This thing is finally done, and I can move on to bigger and better matches.  Anyway, before you continue on, there's a few things you should know:  the charts may appear small, but you can enlarge them for easier reading by simply clicking your mouse on them.  Secondly, if you haven't caught up with the Warrior Bios and the Warrior Conflict between them both, then follow the links below.

Warrior Bio:  George Washington and the Continental Army

Warrior Bio:  Napoleon Bonaparte and the Grand Armée

Warrior Conflict:  George Washington versus Napoleon Bonaparte

Once you've done that, check out the results!

Images taken from http://en.wikipedia.org/ and http://en.wikipedia.org/,
and are used and edited without permission.

31 July 2011

Warrior Bio: Napoleon Bonaparte and the Grand Armée, circa 1808 CE.

Author's Note:  I may catch flak for this, but I think that I'll survive anyway.  I'm not going to be looking at the warriors involved in this match based on their greatest victories or defeats, but at midpoints in their career - I feel that this will be more fair for both of them in the long run.  Also, Napoleon won't be getting howitzers among his artillery (though he did have them) for this match, as it really wouldn't be fair for the Continental Army as they had none of their own, or even anything comparable to them.  However, I'm sure that this Warrior Bio will be used in a later match against someone else (likely the victor (as well as the loser!) of Confederate General Robert E. Lee and the Army of Northern Virginia versus Field Marshal Helmuth von Moltke the Elder) and I'll adjust it accordingly, adding weapons and such where needed.  Anyway, the drill is the same for this Bio as the previous one - I'll be uploading bits as I write them, which hopefully won't take as long as last time.  So let's get started - and don't forget to the vote in the new poll!

This famous painting, Napoleon Crossing the Alps, was made by French artist Jacques-Louis David.  There were actually five versions of this painting made by him between 1801 and 1805 CE, each commissioned by the Spanish King in commemoration of Emperor Bonaparte's actions in 1800 CE.  The painting is a highly idealized representation of that event, and is used without permission from http://en.wikipedia.org/.

22 July 2011

Warrior Bio: George Washington and the Continental Army, circa 1778 CE.

Author's Note:  This is an exciting series of Blogs to start!  This is the debut of my firearms grading scale, as well as a rematch of the first Episode of Season Three of Spike TV's program, Deadliest Warrior.  I think that I should warn you now; the scores for this match are going to be much lower than you may be anticipation, not because they are bad weapons or anything, but because they are poor in comparison to modern technology.  Anyway, back to the part where I play up the things featured in this match:  I love this period of warfare because it wasn't yet all about guns.  Heavier weapons like cannons played just as big of a role as older forms of fighting like cavalry sabers, while new technologies such as grenades and the bayonet were making themselves known on the battlefield.  One more thing... this thing is going to be really freaking long, as I've got a ton of ground to cover, so I'll upload bits and pieces as I write them.  If you want to save yourself the trouble of checking this Blog every few hours (not that I mind) you can Follow me on Twitter and get updates as soon as I announce them.  I've held you long enough - let's get started!


This famous painting, made by the artist Emanuel Gottlieb Leutze, portrays a heroic General Washington leading his ragged army from the forefront across the Delaware River to take part in the infamous Battle of Trenton.  In reality, Washington is believed to have either taken cover under a shawl against the frigid weather or taken part in the rowing duties after one of his men lost control of his hands to the cold.  This image was not taken by me, and is used without permission from en.wikipedia.org/.

10 July 2011

Warrior Conflict: Alareiks the Bold versus Hannibal Barca.

Author's Note:  I'm terribly sorry about the delay in getting this up, guys, but things have been stupid busy for me lately at work (protip:  being a young, single parent SUCKS from a logistical perspective) so I haven't been able to work on this as much as I would like to have.  So yeah... I'll try to keep things as regular as possible from here on out, but there aren't any guarantees that I'll be able to keep an actual schedule.  So stay tuned!  Anyway, without further filibustering, here is the latest Warrior Conflict.

The Scenario.

Hannibal Barca, commander of the army of Carthage, was in trouble.  Having campaigned in Italy for the past several years – he had himself lost count – he had decided to take his army home for some much-needed rest and recovery.  To that end he had commandeered a fleet of vessels large enough to transport his army back to North Africa and their families.

At least, that was the plan until a great storm wrecked his host off of the coast of the island of Sicily.


03 July 2011

Warrior Bio: Hannibal Barca, the Annihilator; circa 216 BCE.

Author's Note:  I chose not to include Hannibal's infamous war-elephants in this match because it would be too unfair of an advantage over his opponent, who would have no effective counter to them, skewing the outcome of the match.  That said, if and when I use Hannibal for another match in which his opponent has something in their arsenal that would be just as influential, such as elephants of their own (here's looking at you, Alexander), I'll revise this Bio to reflect their use.

This stylized sculpture presents Hannibal as a grim, strong figure wearing an idealized helmet made to emulate the wreaths of victory.  Hannibal Barca hated Rome with a great passion, and the feeling was mutual.  This image is used without permission from http://israeliteidentity.com/.

01 July 2011

Warrior Bio: Alareiks the Bold, Chief of the Visigoths, circa 410 CE.

Author's Note:  Despite the fact that we normally call him, "Alaric" in English, I've found that the original spelling of his name was Alareiks, and so that's what I'm going to refer to him as.  I hope that you enjoy the Bio!

This model is an excellent representation of the equipment and appearance of Gothic warriors from Alareiks' time.  From a military perspective, he Visigoths served as a cultural midpoint between the earlier Romans and later Franks and Norsemen.  This image is used without permission from http://www.onesixthwarriors.com/.

28 June 2011

Warrior Conflict: Roman Gladiators versus Apache Warriors.

Author's Note:  Yeah this is easily the most mediocre conflict that you're likely to see on this Blog; but no worries, the next series of posts will be up very soon.  Anyway, you can find the Bios relevant to this Conflict can be found here and here, for the Gladiators and Apache respectively.

The Scenario.

Sparatakos crouched in the undergrowth next to his other escapees.  He touched his forehead-brand as he contemplated their situation.  They were Roman gladiators, all of them.  Each man among them had fought and killed in the arena - not the grand Coliseum in Rome, but in arenas nonetheless.  There had been ten pairs of fighters, some the traditional slaves, such as Sparatakos himself, others freeborn Romans who had wanted to win some glory in the ring.
Two nights before, they had been inside of a trade caravan that their ludus had been traveling with.  In the middle of the night, when they had set up camp, they had been set upon by men that seemed like ghosts - they drifted silently through the night, never stepping into the light of their fires.  In the confusion, Sparatakos and five others had managed to escape - taking much of their fighting-gear with them on the way out.

26 June 2011

Warrior Bio: Apache Warriors, circa 1800 CE.

Author's Note:   Despite the late era, this Bio will not feature gunpowder weapons.  The eventual Cherokee one will, though!

This rare photograph of a later-era Apache hunting party demonstrates what types of clothing and equipment that they would have used; a spear, bow and arrow, and rifle or musket are all visible.  This image is used without permission from http://impurplehawk.com/.
-Offensive Assessment

~Close Quarters Combat; War-Club, Shield.  The war-club was a staple of all Great Plains tribes on the North American continent, and the Apache were no exception.  It was constructed of a heavy wooden handle topped by a stone carefully shaped into an angular position perfect for striking opponents.  Beyond that, however, each war-club was unique to the warrior that wielded it:  the Apache would decorate their weapons with feathers, beads, precious stones, intricate carvings, and more to differentiate between different warriors’ possessions in the chaos of post-combat.  The Apache shield was very similar to the European buckler – it was a small defensive device built on a lightweight wooden frame with cleaned animal hide stretched across its front.  These shields were also heavily decorated with painted symbols of animals and other objects.  Altogether, the Apache war-club and shield combination get four (4) of five (5) possible points in this category.

23 June 2011

Warrior Bio: Roman Gladiators, circa 72 BCE.

Author's Note:  I'm sorry for the long delay in new content, through numerous personal circumstances I've been both out of town and away from Internet access.  To sort of make up for that, I'm posting the next scheduled Warrior Bio a day early!
Two gladiators combat one another in the ring, one of them a retiarus fighting with net and trident.  This image is used without permission from http://www.dpchallenge.com

-Offensive Assessment

~Close Quarters Combat; Sica, Gladius, Shield.  The primary weapon of most Roman gladiators would have been the sword; a tool after Rome’s own heart, as it was the staple weapon of the Legions and their enemies.  The two main types  of swords used by the gladiators would have been the sica and the gladius – the sica was essentially a gladius with the blade bent sharply forwards near the middle of the blade at a forty-five degree angle.  Commonly referred to as the “Thracian knife”, due to its similarity to Thracian daggers and swords, this sword was the primary weapon of the thraex and retiarius varieties of gladiators.  The other mainstream sword type was the gladius, which was identical to the model used by the Roman Legions.  Many gladiators were actually dishonored legionnaires who had been ordered to serve time for various crimes against the Legions, so they were often given the same gladius that they had once fought with.  Both of these swords were used alongside a shield, are excellent slashing and thrusting weapons, and have relatively decent reach for this category.  As such, they get five (5) of five (5) possible points in this category.

13 June 2011

Warrior Conflict: Norse War-Lord versus Samurai Daimyo.

Author's Note:  I'm going to set a release schedule for matches for now on.  The first Warrior Bio will go live on Fridays, the second Bio on Sundays, and the Warrior Conflict on Tuesdays/Wednesdays (whenever I get time).  Hopefully this will make things a little more regular around here.  Anyway - you can find the relevant Warrior Bios for both the Norse and the Samurai before reading this Conflict by following the links in each of their names in this sentence.
 
The Scenario.


Uthred drummed his fingers on the tall prow of his ship, the Sea-Eagle.  Ralla, his new shipmaster following the last one's sudden death, was a capable man with a steady hand.  He was a natural-born leader, but knew where his post was and where his gold came from.  There were forty of his household soldiers, his huscarls, either sleeping, watching, waiting, or rowing from the flanks on either side of the ship.

They had set sail nearly a week before in their wolf-headed war-ship, Uthred at the helm and every man dressed to kill.  Rumors of strange ships and stranger men abroad on the cold seas had filtered in, and they had been enough for Uthred to take down his father's war-horn and his own sword from their places in his hall and declare that he was to go a-viking in search of these newcomers.

12 June 2011

Warrior Bio: Samurai Daimyo, circa 1600 CE.

Author's Note:  The warrior-cultures of the Eastern Hemisphere really are not my forte, so if you see an error here or there please point it out to me and I'll do my best correct it (provided that I can find a source or two to back up your claim). 

This photograph of several samurai warriors, two retainers flanking
their
daimyo, gives an excellent representation of the arms and armor used at
this time period.  From left to right:  a
yumi, katana and naginata can all be easily seen.  The image is used without permission from http://exequy.files.wordpress.com/.

-Offensive Assessment

~Close-Quarters Combat; Wakizashi.  The wakizashi was the second-smallest of the three swords worn by every samurai, along with the katana (largest) and tanto (smallest).  Many in today's culture believe that it only existed to be used on the samurai that owned it in an act of seppuku, but that is only partly true.  Whenever a samurai would enter indoors he would leave his katana at the door as a sign of respect towards the homeowner, but would bring his wakizashi with him in case a situation would arise when he would need it.  The wakizashi was used basically as a shortened katana, but was capable of being used to thrust as well as slash.  It is believed that the ninjato sword made popular black-clad ninja was created by attaching a wakizashi blade to a katana handle, allowing the user to draw the weapon faster and surprise opponents.  Given its short length but multiple functions, I'll give the wakizashi a three (3) out of five (5).

07 June 2011

Warrior Bio: Norse War-Lord, circa 892 CE.

Author's Note:  I'll just leave this here.
A troupe of Norse raiders known as "vikings" makes landfall,
their war-lord
at the head of the assault.  Image used without
permission from
http://blogs.toorakcollege.vic.edu.au.
-Offensive Assessment

~Close-Quarters Combat; Seax, Hand Ax and Roundshield.  The Norse used a variety of weapons in melee combat - most commonly, the seax and hand ax.  The seax was a long, cutting dagger used in everyday life for various utilitarian purposes:  cutting meat, chopping wood, clearing underbrush, and gutting enemy soldiers.  The hand ax was also a very common weapon, being easier to produce and maintain than a sword.  Norse hand axes were single-edged and short, useful when packed shoulder-to-shoulder in a shield-wall.  Together with the roundshield, the close-range weapons of the Norse get three (3) points out of a possible five (5) in this category.  As always, slashing weapons are not as effective as thrusting ones, keeping both of these close-range killing tools from winning more points.

05 June 2011

Warrior-Cultures: The Book!

I guess that it's about time that I formally announce this project of mine.  Without further pause, I give you...

Warrior-Cultures 
An In-Depth Look at History's Deadliest Figures.

This book will feature thirty-two profiles of some of mankind's greatest historical warriors, with each pair being compared and contrasted at what they did best:  make war upon their enemies.  The people covered in this book range from rank-and-file professional soldiers, tribal champions, warrior-kings, national heroes and expert duelists.  You can find the complete list (as of the time of writing; it is subject to change) below.  Note that they are not yet in any specific order beyond how I thought of them.

04 June 2011

Warrior Conflict: Gallic Celts versus Iroquois Confederacy.

Author's Note:  Alternative history, natch.

The Scenario.

Hiawatha studied the bodies brought before him.  In life, they had been two young women not yet of marrying age, wearing the brightly-dyed deerskin clothing common among the Iroquois.  Now, though, they were cold and lifeless like the fish they had been gutting when they had been murdered.

A junior warrior scouting out a place for the season’s lacrosse game had found them, not far from the river where they had been cleaning fish for the midday meal.  Knowing full-well his danger, he had sprinted back to their fortified village to deliver warning of the crime to his chief.

And now he had led Hiawatha back to the place of the murder with a score of senior hunters and fighters in tow to try to figure out what had happened here.  From what he could tell a group of men – likely a war-party – had made infringement into their lands for some sort of raid, and found the women.  The barbarians had killed them mercilessly so as to prevent word of their arrival spreading among the Five Nations.


20 May 2011

Warrior Bio: Iroquois Confederacy, circa 1607 CE.

Author's Note:  The time period that I'm dealing with here is before gunpowder weapons were very widespread among the Native Americans - as such, they won't have them.  Instead they'll be fighting with their traditional weapons and wearing wooden armor.  As always, I'm looking at things here from a general standpoint, not a specific one, so what may be mistakes may simply be bad editing or too in-depth for the purposes of this Blog.  Either way, feel free to offer comments, critiques, suggestions and questions below.

The sport of lacrosse was invented by the Iroquois, and was very popular across the
continent - particularly among the
Cherokee.  Lacrosse is very competitive, and was
originally created as a means of preserving life among bickering tribes that did not wish
for bloodshed.  It had the dual purpose of keeping the men of the tribes - the warriors -
in peak physical condition, and inspired a great sense of competition between them.
This image is used without permission from
http://www.saycampuslife.com.

15 May 2011

Warrior-Culture Rankings.

This is where I'll continually update the rankings of my featured warrior-cultures in relation to one another; it's pretty self-explanatory, really.

Total Composite Ranking
  1. Norse Warlord; eighty-two (82) points
  2. Samurai Daimyo; eighty-one (81) points.
  3. Roman Legionnaires; eighty (80) points.
  4. Gallic Celts; seventy-six (76) points.
  5. Iroquois Confederacy; seventy (70) points.
  6. Zulu Impis; sixty-seven (67) points.
  7. Roman Gladiators; sixty-nine (69) points.  Needs to be rescored.
  8. Apache Warriors; fifty-eight (58) points.  Needs to be rescored.
Total Offensive Ranking; forty (40) possible points.
  1. Samurai Daimyo; thirty-five (35) points.
  2. Norse Warlord; thirty-four (34) points.
  3. Iroquois Confederacy; thirty-three (33) points.
  4. Roman Legionnaires; thirty-one (31) points.
  5. Zulu Impis; thirty (30) points.
  6. Gallic Celts; twenty-nine (29) points.
  7. Apache Warriors; twenty-nine (29) points.  Needs to be rescored.
  8. Roman Gladiators; twenty-eight (28) points.  Needs to be rescored.
Total Defensive Ranking; forty (40) possible points.
  1. Norse Warlord; thirty-six (36) points.
  2. Roman Legionnaires; thirty-one (31) points.
  3. Samurai Daimyo; thirty-one (31) points.
  4. Gallic Celts; thirty (30) points.
  5. Roman Gladiators; twenty-three (23) points.  Needs to be rescored.
  6. Iroquois Confederacy; twenty-three (23) points.
  7. Zulu Impis; twenty-one (21) points.
  8. Apache Warriors; fourteen (14) points.  Needs to be rescored.
Total Variables Ranking; twenty (20) possible points.
  1. Roman Gladiator; eighteen (18) points.  Needs to be rescored.
  2. Gallic Celts; seventeen (17) points.
  3. Roman Legionnaires; sixteen (16) points.
  4. Zulu Impis; sixteen (16) points.
  5. Apache Warriors; fifteen (15) points.  Needs to be rescored.
  6. Samurai Daimyo; fifteen (15) points.
  7. Iroquois Confederacy; fourteen (14) points.
  8. Norse Warlord; thirteen (13) points.

13 May 2011

Warrior Bio: Gallic Celts, circa 52 BCE.

Author's Note:  Feel free to offer comments, suggestions, and wanton banter in the section below!  As always, remember that I'm looking at one area of history and from a general standpoint - so don't expect the gear and traditions of Irish or Germanic Celts to leak over to this.  This bio is looking specifically at the Gallic Celts who would have faced off against the Romans at the Siege of Alesia in 52 BCE.  Oh yeah, the "X-Factor Assessment" is now renamed to the "Variable Assessment", as I think that's a little more professional.

A war-band of woad-covered Celtic warriors mass for battle.
Image used without permission from
https://www.indymedia.ie/.

10 May 2011

Warrior Conflict: Roman Legionnaires versus Zulu Impis.

The Scenario.


Centurion Giraldi swatted the back of a sweating, armored legionnaire with his oak rod of office and shattered it.  “Dig deeper, lad,” he intoned without skipping a beat, “and pile it high.  We don’t have a terrible amount of time.

Decanus Bernard,” he shouted to his aide down the line, motioning at his broken stick, “bring me another.”  The Germanic recruit answered an affirmative, and set to quickly cutting down one of the staves too short to be used as a proper stake for a more important use.  The centurion stalked further down the line, reprimanding soldiers and urging them on.

The Ninth Legion had mustered in Rome itself to recoup and restore itself to fighting condition following a foray past Hadrian’s Wall in Britain.  The bloodied Legion was now back to fighting-shape and once again on the march, having been sent first to the island of Sicily to gain passage to Egypt.  There it had acquired some auxiliary soldiers to further build up its numbers, as well as scout ahead into the new terrain that the Legion had found itself in.

It had marched south over the past several months, and except for a few brief skirmishes with hostile natives there had not been much action to threaten it and the men that constituted it.  But with every hovel and tribe that they passed by, and every lonesome herdsman that they interrogated, they heard rumors of a power moving in the southern part of the continent.  They heard rumors of a new, powerful tribe that had absorbed its neighbors and slaughtered its enemies.  Only boys and women herded cattle there; the men, young and old, fought and died and trained to fight and die.  And they had a name, too; Zulu.

Now the Ninth Legion was in what their guides and captives called, “Zululand”.  It was a green, hilly country lightly forested and populated by some scant herds of wild animals.  There was no trace of the Zulu, and the centurio primo pilus, a man called Rufus Scipio rumored to be a bastard of one of the Italian governors, was considering a return voyage back to Rome.

Then one man alone returned from a forage party, and died that night from his wounds.  Before he had expired, though, the Egyptian had spoken of an ambush – he and his four fellows had chased a boy no older than ten winters into the bush, and only he had escaped the slaughter that waited there.  It was the Zulu; one of them had struck him through the side with his short stabbing spear, and only by luck had he managed to escape.

So then Rufus Scipio had sent out orders that the Legion was to make camp where it stood; walls were to be raised, tents to be raised and men to be gathered in close so as not to be picked off.

It was while these orders were just being relayed and the outer pickets being chiseled out of the earth that the Zulu first appeared.  The most far-sighted of the legionnaires first saw them off a-ways; a teeming, two-pronged mob of brown flesh shaking spears and shields above their heads.  After deliberating with his subordinates, Rufus Scipio had decided the Legion was to cease construction of the fortifications and to take the field in battle order.

Centurion Giraldi bellowed new orders to his century, relaying orders down through his decanus’.  They formed up in battle column alongside two other centuries in their side of the formation, making a box ten rows wide and eight deep as each tent massed tight together.  They were professionals, leaving the three feet necessary between each man with which to efficiently fight.

The Zulu impis advanced in similar order.  What had formerly been a mob was now a wide front that threatened to overlap the Romans.  To refute that, the center cohorts had been ordered to march up at the double so as to break through the enemy center, splitting the force.  Auxiliaries had been dispatched on either wing to halt the opposing advance long enough for the legionnaires to catch up and make combat on their own.

As light combat erupted on the flanks both centers charged each other shouting insults and appeals to greater powers.  At fifty feet, Legion-issue light pila soared through the dusty sky.  Pained screams broke out from both sides; the next volley, consisting of heavy pila found their marks from thirty feet away, and the Legion shouted en masse a salute to Mars as the foremost cohorts drew their swords.  Throughout all of these uncoordinated waves of Zulu assegai arced swiftly from hand to target, looking like nothing so much as schools of darting fish.  There were more screams and shouts from both sides.

Among one of those cohorts nearest the front was centurion Giraldi and his century.  The centurion had drawn his spatha, noticeably longer than the legionnaires’ gladius, and had plunged the tip into the throat of a man trying to do the same to him with a short spear.  Crouching habitually behind his oval-shaped scutum, Giraldi watched the soldiers near him and observed how to fight these Zulu.

Slashing attacks were too slow to find their targets; the Zulu simply dodged out of the way and struck out like adders.  They also could not penetrate the Zulu shields that way, as their curved shape worked much like Legion-issue scutums and redirected the force of the strike away from the target, causing the sword to bounce harmlessly away and leaving the wielder vulnerable.

So it was the thrust, then.  The most basic of all techniques, which all Romans had been taught to do from first recruitment, would be the key here.  Giraldi watched as an old, grizzled legionnaire struck out, catching a Zulu in the chest, and withdrew just as quickly to continue fighting.  The next instant, a Zulu spear had been thrust deeply into the man’s stomach and wrenched out with a high-pitched scream of steel.  The man was pulled back by his companions into the safety of their ranks, and remembering his wits Giraldi blew a shrill note from the small clay whistle that he had kept clinched between his teeth.

The first ranks of the Legion drew back as the second relieved them, presenting a fresh front of unbloodied shields.  Zulu axes scythed through Roman helmets and shields; clubs rebounded off of both, as well as the lorica segmentata.  Again unlike his men, Giraldi wore the less common lorica hamata; it would serve well against the slashing strokes of the enemy, but he was disturbed to see that most of the enemy’s attacks pierced, like the Romans’, rather than cut.

The new line stabilized under the heavy Zulu pressure; Giraldi paused and stooped down to lift up a somehow-intact pilum that had fallen short of the enemy.  He stuck his sword in the ground tip-first for a moment, hefted the missile back, aimed carefully, and threw it at what appeared to be a headman of the Zulu, judging by his elaborate headdress of tall feathers.

The pilum hit home.  It struck the man in the lower chest, just above his stomach and liver but between his lungs and below his heart.  Somehow, it was not an immediately-fatal wound.  Retrieving his spatha, Giraldi watched with amazement as his counterpart among the barbarians looked down at the javelin lodged in his gut and slashed the haft of it off just above where it had entered his skin without missing a beat.  He then continued to shout orders and encouragement to his men even as he slowly bled out into the grass.
As the rest of both lines entered combat, Giraldi looked around to see that his fears of envelopment had been unfounded.   Despite their initial bravery and discipline, the outer wings of the Zulu – though they really looked like nothing so much as the two wide, sweeping horns of a steer – had been repulsed and pushed back by the auxiliaries and elements of the legionnaires with great loss to their own.

Centurion Giraldi offhandedly blocked a thrown club out of the air with his shield, and inspected the bodies of the slain out near the flanks.  Most of them were youths, no more than boys, though armed for battle like the men.  The Zulu battle strategy was beginning to make sense to the experienced soldier; the youngest warriors would take the flanks, having what would normally be the easiest of the fight.  The older, more experienced fighters would hold the center, stabilizing a front with which the youths to build off of.  It was a sound concept; though it had fallen short of expectations when under such strong pressure as the Romans provided.

And yet he was perplexed.  He stopped his thoughts, machine-like, to again thrust out and impale a charging warrior into his loins with extreme prejudice.  The thick leather apron he wore initially protected him, but only for a moment before his flesh was viciously ripped and torn.  Giraldi performed this technique twice more before the man hit the ground, stabbing twice into both his lower and upper torso, both bare of armor.

There was a gradual color evolution among the Zulu shields.  They started out black as midnight, out near the now-ruined flanks; but they gradually acquired more and more whiteness as they spread to the center.  And yet even those were not full white in color.  Some had tan, some had black, but none were purely white.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Giraldi sagely murmured beneath the din and crash of battle all around him.
Suddenly he felt a hard slapping on his helmet, a traditionally Gallic-looking model with small visor and extended neck-plate.  Turning sharply to see what this was, and hoping that it wasn’t some kind of Zulu pre-mortem joke, Giraldi saw that another centurion, a middle-aged man named Valiar Marcus, was shouting into his ear and resting a bloodied dolabra pickax over his armored shoulder.

“We’ve got orders to get the hell out of here, Giraldi,” Marcus roared, “These damned barbarians haven’t even let loose their veterans yet.  Our scouts spotted them on the move not far off from the main formation.”
Giraldi nodded and replied, “Alright.  Tell me:  were their shields all-white?”

“Bugger if I know,” Marcus answered, snapping his pickax to attention and then shearing a luckless Zulu’s arm off at the shoulder with it, “The idiot tribune didn’t think to notify me of such semantics.  Get your century out of here; not a tent is to be left.  They’re sending in the prime cohort.  Old Rufus Scipio himself is leading it.”  Without another word the other centurion stalked off back to his unit, bellowing orders to his eight decanus’ to cut a smooth evacuation out of the killing-zone.

Testudo,” Giraldi cried out, over the rush and noise, “testudo!  Form up boys and we’ll pull our pants back out of here with us!”

The legionnaires did as he commanded without thinking; they’d been taught to do so since they’d entered Legion service.  The first spears, the file leaders, linked up and braced their scutum shields together to make a united front to the enemy.  The Zulu spears and axes fell off of the curved shields, much to their owners’ dismay.  They themselves seemed to be making room for their relievers to take the field among their ranks.  Within minutes the entirety of Giraldi’s century, or all of the survivors, had made the tortoise and were withdrawing slowly to the rear. 

To his surprise, Giraldi saw that his losses had not been as severe as he may have feared.  While many had taken gut-wounds from the short stabbing spears that the Zulu had employed, the overhead strikes with long-spears and axes had largely floundered against Roman steel.  And yet to his chagrin, not one tent among his ten had emerged unscathed; decanus Bernard had been slain, stunned by a club-blow and then dragged to his death amongst the enemy ranks.

But now centurion Giraldi was distracted by the prime cohort engaging the Zulu elites.  With the centurio primo pilus at its head, easily visible by the tall crest that crossed his helmet, the double-strength cohort slammed into the elite of the Zulu nation with a force that echoed across the plains.  They had only thrown their light pila, and many a Zulu fought without his shields because of it.  Rather than use their gladius swords they used the heavier pila as spears, keeping the Zulu warriors back and out of range of their own weapons, protected by their swords from any spears or axes of their own.

The remnants of the younger Zulu force was dispersing, fleeing back to watch the spectacle.  The Romans were doing likewise, amazed by the site as they watched their own battle unfold before them.

It was a slaughter, pure and simple; the Zulu would not retreat, and even though any man that charged ahead was skewered in his throat or chest they would not break rank or fall back.  Very soon many of the Roman pila were shattered or ruined beyond use, and it fell to sword-work to make more progress.

At one point in the line where the pressure was greatest, Giraldi saw many Roman bodies and wounded men falling to the ground to join them.  There was a danger that the Zulu would split the prime cohort; and so, blowing shrilly on his whistle, Giraldi led his century out to reinforce them.  Marcus’ century followed, and another behind them both did as well.  Soon the entirety of the Legion was behind them, spreading out the front and turning the tables on the Zulu despite all of their fierce determination.

What remained of the Zulu army had been scattered away by nightfall, chased out into the night by auxilia units and a few Roman volunteers, centurion Marcus among them.

And that night, for his bravery in the face of death, centurion Giraldi, now the oldest centurion in the Ninth Legion, was promoted to centurio primo pilus to replace the fallen Rufus Scipio.  His century had been integrated into the prime cohort to replace lost and dead, and they were on their way back to Rome to report their findings in the South.  He sincerely hoped that they did not encounter any more warrior-cultures on their trek back home, especially none as fierce and war-like as the Zulu.

---

The Conclusion.

Roman Legionnaires
-Offensive Assessment:  thirty-one (31) of forty (40) points.
-Defensive Assessment:  thirty-three (33) of forty (40) points.
-X-Factor Assessment:  sixteen (16) of twenty (20) points.
~Total Composite Assessment:  eighty (80) of one hundred (100) points.

Zulu Impis
-Offensive Assessment:  thirty (30) of forty (40) points.
-Defensive Assessment:  twenty-one (21) of forty (40) points.
-X-Factor Assessment:  sixteen (16) of twenty (20) points.
~Total Composite Assessment:  sixty-seven (67) of one hundred (100) points.


07 May 2011

Warrior Bio: Zulu Impi, circa 1824 CE.

Disclaimer:  Again, this article is taken from a general standpoint, not a specific one; so while the Zulu may have had access to firearms at the time period I'm dealing with, they weren't yet widespread enough to matter for my purposes.  So ease off of the Red Bull before commenting, but don't let it stop you from doing so!
Some Zulu boys performing a pre-battle war-dance.  
Image used without permission from http://movnat.com.

-Offensive Categories
~Close Quarters Combat; Ikwla, Ishlangu.  When Shaka Zulu ascended the throne in 1816 CE, he did away entirely with the ways that the Zulu nation had formerly made war upon its enemies.  He replaced the assegai spear with the ikwla, a short weapon about four feet in overall length and featuring a broad blade fourteen to eighteen inches in length.  The ikwla was intended to force Zulu warriors into close-combat rather than distance-fighting with missile weapons; King Shaka decried this as “cowardly behavior”.  The ikwla was very well-suited to this purpose – the Zulu warriors would use it in an underhanded thrust, not the wild overhead slashing method seen in popular films, in order to maximize energy output and trauma on the opponent’s body.  This would also place the blade at the same level as the enemy’s stomach and many of the body’s vital organs, making it a very efficient weapons mechanism.  When paired with the massive ishlangu shield, which will be elaborated on later, it made for a dangerous system, earning a well-deserved five (5) out of five (5) possible points.

16 April 2011

Warrior Bio: Roman Legionnaires, circa 36 CE.

Disclaimer:  I am looking at these cultures from a general viewpoint, not a circumstantially-specific one.  Therefore, arguments that they score better or worse in different areas such as "well, Julius Caesar was one of the most ingenious commanders of the ancient world" or "Legions on campaign in Thrace wore maniples, so these legionnaires should have them too" are invalid and moot.  This disclaimer applies to any and all of my matches, biographies, and what have you, so please don't nerdrage too hard at any perceived inaccuracies ;)

FOR THE SENATE AND THE PEOPLE OF ROME,
PAX ROMA!

The legatus salutes his men in a pre-battle rally, holding aloft the golden victory-wreath.  Image used without permission from http://www.leg8.com/.
-Offensive Categories
~Close Quarters Combat; Gladius, Scutum.  The meat-and-potatoes of the post-Marian Legion’s armament was the gladius sword, which had been adopted from Spanish Iberians.  This comes as no surprise, considering that the Romans borrowed many other facets of their own culture from other Mediterranean locales.  The gladius was two feet long and made specifically to thrust; however, its blade was sharpened so that it could cut and slash if need be, and the hilt was often weighted with heavy woods, ivories, brass or bronze fittings and animal horn to create a powerful crushing instrument.  The gladius was a supremely effective weapon when used at close range, and very versatile when used outside of formation-fighting.  Combined with the scutum shield, which will be detailed later, it gets a score of five (5) out of five (5) possible points.

~Weapons of Reach; Heavy Pilum, Scutum.  When fighting at a middling distance the Roman legionnaires would use the aptly-named heavy pilum, which was the structurally-stronger of the two pila (javelins) each legionnaire carried to battle.  Unlike its lighter cousin, which was always thrown before the charge, the heavy pilum would either be thrown at the centurion’s direction or retained for use in melee combat at the centurion’s discretion.  Both pila were four to five feet long, depending on any number of variables (where they were made, materials available, who made them, centurion’s orders), but it is generally accepted that they were composed of two thirds of wood and one third of iron.  The iron head would have been riveted onto the heavy pilum, rather than attached by a simple cap near the base; it was expected to not break or bend when thrown into an enemy.  The heavy pilum would have been used in conjunction with the scutum shield.  All of these qualities in mind, it nets a score of seven (7) out of a possible ten (10) points.
To view the power and efficiency of the Roman Legion system in combat, follow the link below.  This clip is taken (not by me) from the HBO series ROMEand used without permission.
~Long Distance; Light and Heavy Pilum, Scutum.  The light pilum was a stripped-down relative of the heavy pilum, lacking rivets or weights; it was simply a long, thin iron spearhead mounted onto a wooden shaft by a small socket beaten onto one end of it.  The light pilum was expected to bend sharply upon contacting an enemy or their shield; the encumbrance of its weight and bent form made it difficult to extract from a shield or wounded body.  It was a very lethal weapon, giving the legionnaire an effective kill-zone of accurate fire up to fifteen to twenty meters, or fifty to seventy feet.  The legionnaire would have been able to huddle behind his large shield, the scutum, when using his pilum and so would have been protected by any opposing enemy fire.  In addition to the light pilum, the heavy pilum could also be thrown if time permitted or if the centurion decided to give the order to use them.  The pila and scutum get an above-average score of fifteen (15) out of twenty (20) possible points.

~Specialized; Dolabra, Pugio, Spatha, Scutum.  The dolabra was really an entrenching tool, much like a modern pick-ax, that was kept sharpened and on every legionnaire’s person as an emergency weapon when preparing fortifications – it was not uncommon for legionnaires to wear their combat gear while working if it was thought that enemies were near.  However, it was a tool, not a weapon, and while devastating it went against the Roman ideal of a shield and weapon being used in accord – it would have been extremely difficult and unwieldy to use with one hand, requiring two instead and so a lack of a shield.  The pugio was a small service dagger of superb construction given to each Roman legionnaire in case that he lost his gladius.  It would have been used only in the most extenuating of circumstances, and then only in emergencies.  The spatha was a longer cousin of the gladius, usually around one meter in length, and used by officers and auxiliaries who would need it when fighting from horseback or in single combat.  Except for its length and propensity towards the slash rather than the thrust, it was identical to the gladius.  All of these weapons except for the dolabra could be used with the scutum, and together they earn a score of four (4) out of five (5) possible points.
Marius' Mules on the march; image used without permission
 from
 http://www.roman-empire.net/army/marius-mule.html.
-DEFENSIVE CATEGORIES
~Head; Legion Helmet.  The helmets worn by the Roman legionnaires were, at first glance, uniform across the Empire – a brass or iron cap with cheek-plates sewn onto its flanks and held tight to the head by a leather chin-strap.  However, unique details emerge after that cursory examination; raised bars going cross-wise across the crown of the head to add stability, a wide plate attached to the base of the helmet to provide neck protection, or even detailed “eyebrows” to make them look fierce in the face of the enemy.  The specific types of helmets were often local to the men (and Legions they were pieces of) wearing them:  Greek legionnaires would have worn the Attic type, Italian legionnaires would have worn the Etruscan type, Gallic legionnaires would have worn the Montefortino type, and Spanish legionnaires would have worn the Iberian type.  Regardless of these differences, the Roman Legion-issue helmets provided great defense to the head while not sacrificing vision or hearing ability.  However, the lack of uniformity hurts their score; some types may be more susceptible to different attacks. For example, the Attic type was known to be vulnerable to overhead strikes, while the Etruscan type featured very wide portions of the uncovered face and so was susceptible to missile weapons.  Those qualities in mind, I’m giving the Legion helmet a very strong score of fifteen (15) out of twenty (20) possible points.

~Torso; Legion Lorica Segmentata and Hamata.  The Legion employed two different types of armour (known as lorica) to protect the vital chest and belly of its legionnaires; the segmentata and the hamata.  The lorica segmentata was a system of overlapping steel plates locked into place by various ties and hinges to cover the shoulders, torso, stomach and back.  It was very efficient when worn to ward off thrusting or piercing blows, but had a weakness against slashing and crushing attacks.  To counter that, maille (known as hamata) was worn, which had the properties of segmentata, but reversed:  it was strong against the slash but weak against the thrust.  Riveted maille protects by providing a moving, uneven surface for energy to dispense over; whenever a blow strikes the maille, the energy contained by the assault is distributed over the entire maille-coat, weakening the force of the blow before it can harm the flesh beneath it.  However, maille’s weakness to thrusting attacks comes from the fact that the more rings (area) of the maille is affected, the more energy is deflected.  So if a thin weapon is used, such as a spear, arrow, or thrusting spear, then it would only directly affect the rings it hits, it would find less resistance from the armour, and would continue on into the body to cause trauma to the structure of the victim.  In the Legion’s heyday, hamata was generally worn by non-commissioned officers and auxiliaries, while segmentata was worn by the rank-and-file legionnaires.  The former was seen as more of an individual’s armour, while the latter was that of the formation-fighters.  The Legion lorica nets a score of eight (8) out of ten (10) possible points.
A tent of legionnaires defends their artillery-palisade against a war-band of Gallic warriors.  Image used without permission from http://www.leg8.com/.
~Limbs; None.  The legionnaires generally did not have protection for their limbs; early Greek and Etruscan legionnaires would sometimes wear bronze greaves on their legs to protect them, but by the period I am dealing with those had been abandoned except for some of the Roman cavalrymen and the Praetorian Guard.  Additionally, Roman legionnaires on campaign in Thrace adopted the layered metal arm-covering of the gladiators known as “maniples” to protect themselves against the fearsome cutting power of the falx.  However, that went unused by the legionnaires I am rating, and so their score is a basic three (3) out of five (5) possible points.

~Mobile; Scutum.  The scutum shield used by Roman legionnaires was, at this time, a tool notorious for its sturdy but light frame and great defensive and offensive potential.  It was a tall, rectangular shield rimmed and bossed by steel.  The scutum bent inwards towards the man holding it to present an unstable front to the enemy, causing blows to not stick to it well when contact was made.  Additionally, the scutum was very tall, generally covering the legionnaire holding it from knee to cheek.  These factors in mind, the mobile defenses of the Roman legionnaires are a perfect five (5) out of five (5) possible points.
Two tents of legionnaires stand in review under the supervision of a decanus.  Image used without permission from http://www.leg8.com.

-X-FACTOR CATEGORIES
~Tactics; in the post-Marius Legions, the Romans had learned that to win a battle one must go into it with a plan firmly in place rather than simply make something up upon contact with the enemy.  To accomplish that goal, the Roman Legions were organized into a military machine consisting of units of gradually increasing numbers.  The smallest unit was a “contubernium”, commonly referred to as a “tent” as the eight men that made them up bunked, ate and fought together.  Each tent was accompanied by a pack-mule, a slave to manage the tent’s logistical support, and a veteran, non-commissioned officer known as a decanus, or “chief of ten”.  The decanus served as an intermediary between the tent and the centurion.  Ten tents made up one century of eighty legionnaires, or one hundred men total.  Two centuries made up one maniple, and three maniples a cohort.  Each century was led by a centurion, who was elected from the most senior of the veteran decanus’.  Finally, ten cohorts made up the infantry component of a Legion, which was commanded by a legatus and his six assistant officers – chief among them the centurio primus pilus, the most grizzled, experienced and veteraned man in the Legion.  With this intense structure the Legion was able to coordinate the legionnaires that made it up into complex maneuvers that surprised its opponents time and again, and continues to inspire modern infantry tacticians to the present day.  The Legion was practically untouchable from a tactical standpoint, and so gets a well-deserved five (5) out of five (5) points.

~Morale/Motivation; the men that made up a Roman Legion were drawn from all corners of the Empire, and followed many personal creeds and religious beliefs; at the time period that I am dealing with, it would not have been uncommon to see Jews alongside Iberians, Greeks shoulder-to-shoulder with Christians, and Egyptians fighting alongside Italian Romans.  In order to forge the well-oiled machine Rome is known for today, it was necessary to instill a powerful “espirit de corps” into the Legion recruits, swearing their service to the Senate and the People of Rome, but more importantly to their Legions.  Treason, cowardice and dishonesty to the Legion were all transgressions greater than any other, with one man’s munity resulting in the death of his entire tent as a punishment.  As such, the Roman Legion exhibited great discipline at all times and in all places; it fell to the hawk-eyed centurion to deal out justice for breaks in discipline, and to motivate his men to do all that they could in the interest of Rome.  The Legion gets four (4) out of five (5) points in this category.


To view recreated Legion field maneuvers and tactics, follow the link below.
I did not post this, and am using it without permission.
~Training; it took two years of nonstop, daily training ranging from teaching recruits basic literacy skills and mathematics to combat maneuvers to individual problem-solving methods to prepare men to serve in the Legion.  They were ingrained in their minds to perform basic functions by muscle-memory, such as how to throw a javelin, thrust a sword, and hold a shield, creating something very close to perfect soldiers that fought so efficiently that routine field maneuvers were often described as “bloodless battles”.  The Legion easily gets all five (5) possible points for this category.


~Innovation; if nothing else, this is the Legion’s weak point.  While innovative in its nature (a professional, standing armed force), in practice the Romans did not really bring anything new to the table.  They very much followed the status quo – hide behind a shield and thrust out with a sword or spear.  That said, they did exaggerate this practice by making their shields larger and swords shorter, but at the end of the day they aren’t unique from any half-dozen of other cultures that did the same thing.  I’m giving the Legion a paltry two (2) out of five (5) points for this.

19 March 2011

Deadliest Warrior Quickies.

Hey, just felt like trying out my new system with two matches that are very intriguing to me.

  • Roman Legionaries versus Zulu Warriors.
    -This match appeals to me because both warrior-cultures followed the same line of thinking:  highly-mobile, professional killers organized into tight-knit units.  Both of them used efficient weapons, both at distance and in melee, and relied on a massive shield to protect them.  However, they diverged in defenses and the specific types of weapons they used, which is where this match will be interesting.
  • Celtic Warriors versus Iroquois Warriors.
    -This match interests me because the warriors fight very differently, but are very similar culturally.  The Celts were a constantly-bickering population of war-mongers; the Iroquois were a united nation that was the result of a constantly-bickering population of war-mongers.  It'll be great to see how that transitions to their showings in my ratings later on.
So yeah, consider this a teaser for more to come.  This is unrelated to the Redux series, I just want to stretch my creative muscles, so to speak.  Stay tuned!